|
stargazing_dreamer
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Juli
Birthday: 5/30/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: OSU, TBDBITL, Photography, Reading, Ireland, Seattle, Love Actually, The Princess Bride, Dirty Dancing, MOULIN ROUGE, Anchorman, Zoolander, Boondock Saints, Shawshank Redemtion, Dead Poet's Society, Rent!, Phantom of the Opera, The Sound of Music, Dave Matthews Band, Dashboard Confessional, Collective Soul, Nickel Creek, Breaking Benjamin, Eagles, Disturbed, Garth Brooks, Frank Sinatra, Van Gogh, journaling, concerts, sonic drinks, soccer fields, fishing, random Little Rock trips, road trips, fires...big ones..., friends, autumn, Texas, pumpkins, snow, stargazing, screaming, haircuts, clogs, purple, ink pens, Christmas, St. Patricks Day, anything black, 4 hour phone conversations, laughing, Italian, Chinese, and Mexican food, Short North district, thrift shopping, shopping in general... yeah... it think that's exhausted everything.
Expertise: Being totally and completely honest at all times... Sometimes I go too far. I cha-cha right on the line and then go ahead and cross it. Staying up late. Aaaand getting into trouble. :)
Occupation: Student
Industry: Education/Research
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  funkybean13
MSN: gidgit_13@hotmail.com
Member Since:
10/5/2004
|
|
|
Sometimes I can control it.
Sometimes I can't.
It's overwhelming, tiresome, and everywhere.
A feeling of deadness. A feeling that it will never come again.
The comfort. The comfort of knowing that I mean something. I'm something.
Sometimes I feel like Sarah Jessica. Constantly searching for something I'll never find...
Then I think of some words of wisdom from my good friends Third Day...
"I'll give you more, than your heart could ever want, and so much more..."
What does this tell me?....
It tells me I must be patient. And wait. I must understand that this is bigger than me. If I try to rush it, like I often do... then it will be wrong. Patience. Something I thought I have always had and have often been proud of.
Oh if it could just be like Bella and Edward... a beautiful symphony...
But that's unrealistic. And even for them it was unexpected. The last thing expected.
So I wait. | | |
| Somedays I pray some one would blow me away Make it quick, but let it burn, so I can feel my life fade... | | |
| Tonight is a night that makes it hard to support christian politicians.
I was by myself in a room full of adults defending my idealistic young thoughts and my want for change. Just me with four over 60 republican adults. It was fun.
I wonder if this isn't yet another sign that I should just be a missionary. If america is going so far beyond anything of hope, perhaps I should just realize that I need to try and make a difference by myself on a global level. I just really feel this pull to do missions. Perhaps this is why. Perhaps I don't need to be making my $50,000 a year and drive my nice car while hoping my vote makes a difference. Perhaps I need to live a life of mission. A life where my only concern is helping others discover what life is really about...
Perhaps then I will begin to notice and make change. | | |
| I have started a iPod and MacBook epidemic in my office. Ha. | | |
| I woke up this morning to get my oil changed and have other various things taken care of.... One of which sneaking in the back door of the unopened (unbeknownst to me) Portsmouth library and scaring the crap out of the librarians. Yay.
I then came home, poured myself a bowl of cereal and started some starbucks costa rican coffee. Then I sat down and logged on to Facebook. Much to my dismay I see that several of my acquaintances from Harding are engaged. How weird. I mean, I'm happy for them, but I can't help but wonder. Would that be me? I don't want it to be. I don't want to get engaged. But would I have gotten trapped into thinking that I graduate in a year and I better find someone to share the rest of my life with now? I would like to think that I would be one to be brave enough to only take a walk down the isle at graduation and no others.... but some part of me thinks that I could've been happy with someone. But I don't want it to be "someone"... I want it to be him. The one. Not my soulmate. That's crap. But one that I know will be standing beside me forever.
But enough with the lonely single girl blog. Because I'm not any of those things. Except for the girl. Well, woman. I don't know... people are starting to call me "lady"... Apparently with age comes respect. Weird.... I thought it was the other way around.
So the semester is off to a start. Notice I didn't say good or bad. Just a start. I'm happy. Which is weird. And I think it has something to do with the commitment to be more positive this year. I haven't smoked a cigarette since January 1st. I get stressed out of school, but somehow make it out with the personal mantra and words of those much wiser than I, "this too shall pass".
A simple theory for a complex life: Act in Love.
You'd be amazed at the wonderful people you meet when you just try to help instead of go along with what everyone else thinks of them. I have always said that I don't judge people, but I have, and do. But more recently I have been trying to work in the opposite direction of my judgement. It's getting me pretty far. And like I said. I'm happy.
The project that is organizing my apartment has taken over my life. I believe that I am blessed. Blessed with more than I can ever want or need. So, I have been getting rid of the stuff that I don't need or cherish. My entire past year's subscription of "Real Simple"...keeping it. My entire life-long collection of make-up? Sort and purge... I'm pretty sure that even if that nasty pink eye shadow ever does look good on me, I'll be able to get it elsewhere and rest assured that I won't get a massive eye infection from it. It's taking some time, but I know that I will eventually get everything just where I want it. And my apartment won't be such an utter wreck.
It's a hard way to go, but I'm working through. I think I'll be alright as long as I have faith in you.
*Love*
Juli
---I had you all perfect in my head. There was no more alcohol and no more drugs, you hated her and wanted me. Then I saw you. You weren't so perfect. You were high and drunk and had the ring. I knew that there were still drugs, alcohol, and a family. So fuck you and fuck her. I'm definitely over you.--- | | |
|
